Today I walked with a new friend down on Bellingham Bay. There is this AMAZING coffee shop with a view from the top floor overlooking the water and if you stand in just the right spot you can't see the ground at all. It's as if you're floating above the ocean or on the deck of a boat heading out to sea. The boardwalk over the water wasn't long enough as we came to it's end more than once, the conversation flowing easily as if we'd known each other forever. This friend had brought their dog and I was enraptured with the amount of attention we drew because of him. One woman went so far as to thank us for picking up his dog poop and throwing it away, "thank you so much! Some people just don't care and it's rude to just leave the poop sitting there!" I couldn't believe the passion she had about dog poop - I mean, there were almost tears in her eyes as she thanked us, handed us another dog poop bag, "just in case", and walked away. Another gentleman approached us as we were sitting on a bench talking. He launched into a long diatribe about his third wife and the fact that she hated dogs and since marrying her he had felt so alone, not able to have his canine companions close by. Mothers with babies came up hoping to pet the dog and got much love, tail wags, and face licks in return.
The bay was scintillating and the clouds...ahhh...the clouds. It was gorgeous today, the right mixture of sea breeze and sun; my toes were frozen by the end of our four hours together - I, of course, was wearing only my flip flops. Although I have to say that this particular pair are the most comfortable I've ever owned. They are from Rio de Janeiro and were a gift from my Brazilian sister, Fernanda. I have this thing about flip flops...my friends have always made fun of me for it...I just don't feel comfortable in any other kind of shoe. I was born to live in warmer climates.
I know this is going to sound weird and maybe a little rude, but it's honest. I don't really like making new friends. I have a lot of friends and I make friends easily but it tends to grate upon my need and deep desire for depth and all-consuming relationships. New friendships are so casual and just skim the surface. You're probably laughing at me. I know you can't get to the point of no return with anyone unless you've first met them and gone through the awkward, "what are we?" stage. Are we compatible as friends? Do we have anything in common? Do I like you? Do you seem to like spending time with me? Does this relationship have a point? *sigh* it's no wonder I scare people away sometimes. It's not fulfilling for me to have many such casual encounters with people whom I may like and spend some time with. Oh, I sound so desperately insensitive and selfish. I think what I'm really trying to say is this - I miss my friends. I miss sitting in a room, not saying anything but just knowing that's it's alright because you've gone through so much together. I miss the uninhibited laughter and memories. Jesus had just a few really close friends, right? More than anything else, except Jesus of course, I love getting to know people and becoming known by them with the purpose of more than just casual friendship. Ask me hard questions!!! Show an interest in getting to know the real me!!! I'll do the same for you - and that's what I love.
Ok...I know this is just the mood I'm in right now. Tomorrow I'll probably look back and think, "silly girl, don't you ever think before you write?" Of course I like making new friends...